


hopelessness

by dryflower



Category: Buzz (Korea Band), Super Junior, 아는 형님 | Knowing Bros | Ask Us Anything
Genre: Angst, M/M, One Shot, Pining, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:40:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24818518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dryflower/pseuds/dryflower
Summary: hope·less·ness (noun):a feeling or state of despair; lack of hopeorHeechul asks Kyunghoon out for dinner.Kyunghoon overthinks.
Relationships: Kim Heechul/Min Kyunghoon
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	hopelessness

It was late night right after the end of a long Knowing Bros shooting day. When everybody was so tired but still small chatting and getting ready to finally go home, Heechul gently approached Kyunghoon, who was fighting himself not to fall asleep before his manager picked him up.

“Do you have any plans for tonight?” Heechul asked but Kyunghoon only giggled, as if he had been caught sleeping in the waiting room.

“I was thinking… Maybe we should hang out again? But this time, without cameras, you know? It feels like we’re so close but so far from each other at the same time,” Heechul just kept on talking, almost whispering, so that no one else could hear his invitation and offer to go with him instead.

This time, Kyunghoon was finally brought back to reality and, as he processed what Heechul had just said, a soft and fast “Yes” escaped from his mouth. It was so spontaneous and careless that he immediately regretted saying it because, well, what a tiring day it was for him -- but he also couldn’t have said no since he had been secretly wishing for this moment to come for a long time.

“That’s great. Meet me at the parking lot in 30 minutes,” said Heechul, who was already leaving the room.

Kyunghoon began to quietly observe all the small talk that was happening on the other side of the room, waiting for his turn to show off how much of an intellectual he is until something finally popped up on his mind…

“ _Hold on. Am I going on a date or what?!_ ” Kyunghoon thought as he panicked for a second once he realized what he had just gotten himself into. Seeing that Heechul had already left, he texted his manager, reassuring him that everything was okay and that one of his friends suddenly made a proposal he could not refuse. He said goodbye to his _hyungs_ as they went home one by one and, a few moments before meeting Heechul at the parking lot, he sat around jTBC’s cafeteria a few floors downstairs, grabbing a small coffee to keep himself awake.

* * *

Frankly speaking, he always had a gut feeling that Heechul wanted to know more about him, but up until that point, none of them had had the initiative to come up with anything. Of course, Kyunghoon himself wanted to hang out with that man so bad but at the same time, he felt he should not hurry and let things happen naturally.

Still, what could even happen? It had been almost one year since they started working together. Things were going great for Kyunghoon: he could feel himself slowly becoming more open and confident as the weeks passed by, with each episode he was part of meaning another achievement to him. It felt really good. As he watched the cast members joking around with him every week and bonding together while doing so, that place felt more like a blissful distraction from the worries and loneliness of the outside world rather than one more typical entertainment-variety gig, even with so many cameras and staff playing a part of the recording.

Although he initially wanted to deny his growing feelings about Heechul, he caught himself thinking about how he had already gone through that same thing several times during his life, _“Maybe acknowledging my feelings won’t hurt that much this time,”_ he sighed as a small dose of caffeine began to kick in.

No one would ever believe him if he said that his cute-but-sly persona was actually extremely afraid of being openly honest about his feelings over men, when he always seemed to be so honest, even if in a shy way at first when it came to women. But for Kyunghoon, liking men was indeed a harder task. Well, it’s not like he was going to tell Heechul anything anyway, what would even be the point of doing so? It would only grow them apart before they even became closer anyway. He didn’t need to be honest with anyone but himself, and that was already difficult enough. Perhaps it would have been too greedy of him to ask for a successful ever-growing career and a pleasant love life at the same time.

Kyunghoon, being honest to himself for once, knew deep inside his heart that Heechul was someone he could never have, that he would never stand a chance of being something more than friends with him. Heechul was just one of the many men Kyunghoon loved silently, secretly. He would never go past the burden of the awkwardness of being straightforward about his feelings, or even better, those feelings. Maybe Heechul would just laugh it off and once again deny all the rumours people had ever written about him, or he would say that he was already engaged in a brand new relationship no one knew about. He could simply just say no, but more than a word, that would be the foundation of an awkward wall between them. The first brick of an incoming building. Way too risky.

Truth be told, he was involved in it more than he initially thought he was. Each time his hand was being gently held by Heechul, each teasing look given by him, each little inside joke… It was only a matter of time before this young guy started questioning what was going on or even if anything was going on. Still, that was their work. There was no way that those actions meant anything other than some harmless fun for the cameras, and Heechul would never look at him as someone other than the younger little brother he never had.

A sad, small pout formed on his lips unconsciously, as his mind was trapped with the fact that being reminded about his inner feelings ended up becoming a part of his weekly routine once again. Maybe it was already time to get up and meet that crazy man.

* * *

“Kyunghoon-ah, you’re here,” Heechul waved and smiled at him across the almost empty parking lot.

“I hope I’m not late,” Kyunghoon said as he moved to where the other man was standing.

“Ah, don’t worry, I just got here. We can go to a good restaurant I know that’s nearby if you don’t mind,” Heechul tapped on his back and pointed at the parking lot entrance. “We can just go that way, we won’t walk for long.” Kyunghoon nodded as he followed the lead.

It was a bit cold outside but not to a point where it felt uncomfortable. Kyunghoon was amazed by Heechul’s cool carelessness of just walking around late at night alone like that. Well, not alone, but they were casually passing by busy streets of what one would think of a typical commercial district. Still, no matter how busy those streets were that night, for a moment it almost felt like they were alone in a world of their own. Even if it was such a small walk, it was enough for him to take a full minute to fondly appreciate the details of the man who was beside him.

“...But did you know? My mom called me that day and asked me if we were a thing. She said we look kind of cute together,” Heechul said as he suddenly stopped walking and looked into the eyes of someone who was not paying any attention at all to his blabbing due to getting distracted by his beautiful face.

“And what did you tell her?” Kyunghoon answered after taking a full second to be brought back to reality, immediately regretting his honest curiosity.

“I told her, ‘that’s nonsense!’” Heechul laughed and kept on walking, “She was like ‘well, you wouldn’t be able to marry him anyway’”.

“That’s sad but true,” Kyunghoon faked a typical laugh that hid how hurt he was by the other guy’s straightforwardness.

Heechul pointed at a neon sign all of a sudden, “Oh, we’re finally here!” 

The two men entered the restaurant and didn’t waste any time, quickly ordering their meals as the night was already calling for sleep.

* * *

“I know this is not an ideal day but I wanted to treat you with something," said Heechul while playing around with his chopsticks.

“Ideal day for what?” Kyunghoon replied with his mouth stuffed with steak.

“To get to know you better. I said I wanted to do that,” Heechul poured some soju to the younger man. “It’s late and I just know we’re both very tired; we can hang out again on a day off and have a proper one-to-one conversation. You have no idea but I still have so much to ask you,” Kyunghoon looked so intrigued to hear those words being addressed to him. He had heard that guy reject him out of the blue only a few minutes before when he didn’t even say anything.

They didn’t talk for long as both were mentally and physically drained that night. The little remarks made by either of them were about how fun the shooting was despite them not knowing any of the guests personally, how the PD was planning some changes to the show, and how they hoped for higher ratings. The food they were enjoying was somehow simply _perfect_ , and the short time they spent together there was _healing_ , to say the least.

* * *

After both finished eating their dinner, Heechul quickly scrolled down his phone, looking for a driver to send his companion back home, “That was fast, I already feel so tipsy. Next time I’ll show you the lyrics of a song I finished writing a few days ago.”

Kyunghoon's eyes were filled with curiosity, “What’s it called?”

“Sweet dream. Like a butterfly sleep where everything fades away all of a sudden.” Heechul made a dramatic gesture with his hands as if he were expressing something impressive.

“How poetic,” Kyunghoon giggled, smiling softly.

He was handed the difficult task to come up with something, _anything_ to cope with those undesired feelings that insisted to exist whenever he was reminded of the presence of his colleague. It did hurt more than he thought it would, but to hear Heechul vent about his week, the several things he still had left to do, the tiniest details that had gone wrong… Small things like that made Kyunghoon interpret that meeting as nothing but a turning point. 

Because beyond each and every possibility or scenario, what was important at that moment for him was that in this intricate life he somehow had begun to mean something to Heechul, even if they hadn’t met for long. A funny yet fateful reality considering how they debuted only a few years apart more than 10 years ago. _”Better late than never,”_ he thought. Rather than being stereotypical work colleagues, they were once becoming true friends. Or at least he hoped they were. 

After all, it was only a sweet dream. And it was enough for him.

**Author's Note:**

> the very beginning part of this fic was lost in my drive for over two years.  
> I have no idea of what were my original intentions but I'm glad I found and finished writing it.  
> hope you enjoyed it <3


End file.
